'tis the season

In the Hendersonville newspaper for the past three days running, advertising the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party for the United Way Rising Leaders.

spirit.

most people like to believe that their family christmas celebrations are somewhat like the movies, either sitting together with matching sweaters, cherubic faces lit by the fire, or enduring the onslaught of chaos and hilarity that only family and loved ones (and a lot of food and drink) can bring. each year, i try to hold off the nostalgia as long as i can, because once it hits, there is no looking back. i am immediately immersed and overwhelmed by my childhood memories of the holiday. setting the scene: i was the oldest grandchild, and for a short while, the only kid, until my pixie sister arrived (sweet, but deadly). combine this with a large immigrant family, which includes not only various immediate family members, but members of the larger "familial" community. add a large helping of ethnic tradition, the happiness of those reuniting multiplied various times, plus the warmth and comfort of being back in your original home, and you get a kind of mystical atmosphere.

though my whole family have always been gypsy travellers, christmas, not thanksgiving, was the one time to gather and share. i have fond recollections of young aunts and uncles, dressed in shoulder pads and leather jackets, freshly splashed with cologne and perfume, running out of the airplane and embracing us all. in fact, i bet not many people can boast whole days spent at the airport, shuttling various family members coming in from various destinations, hours apart. those traditions are hard to recreate now that we are even more scattered and families have grown and grown up. but, for the first time in a long time, i am going "home" for christmas, and most everyone plans to gather there with me. it will be the first christmas that my sister has lived back in mn, and sweet sweet relatives from overseas will be in as well. this year it is my turn to be the fresh faced young aunt, coming into town with bright plans and a handsome new man. complete the picture with life-sized puppy dog and you are set and ready to go.


What I am already looking forward to. In no particular order:
1)Christmas cards with D. Two lists this year, oy vey. (Maij says that she and No plan to recreate the Sears portrait studio. Looking forward to it).
2)Visiting friends I haven't seen in ages and who now, suddenly have turned into adults, have babies and own homes.
3)Listening to holiday themed music within the appropriate time period after Thanksgiving and before the holidays.
4)No work for two whole weeks.
5)The random squealing of various friends and loved ones during phone conversations as the date nears.
6)Alfred and Linus, a very astute and balanced pair, reunited.
7)Reinventing the Cities as an adult, with an adult sibling knowledgable of all the right places to go and do. Including but not limited to: taking a tour of local breweries to watch the magic of beer bond m and d; local music, live, and record stores galore; the 331; half price books; french and modern american eateries. Derek, the more suggestions, the better. Feel free to comment.
8)Shopping. From new (Forever 21) to used (Savers and Ragstock). A to Z.
9)Scheme over potential gifts to those I love.
10)Introduce a man who grew up in a land with no winter to ice and snow, cheese curds and bratwurst, sledding and snowshoeing, and all of the wonders of crawling back into the warm wonderful space in the crook of each others arms.

these days.

today i feel a little like margot tennenbaum: wordy, dark, and beautiful.

cold and ice covered the roads this morning. a bit treacherous, if it were not for the hot coffee keeping me company. nico sang in a low hum while i shifted in the seat, attempting to avoid the certain literal shock my tights were trying to produce against the fabric. sitting there moving through the snow and damp, my heart began to beat in rhythm to its surroundings.
more than once in our lives we look back and assess everything that has come forth thus far and attempt to act wisely about what is to come. we are always facing the unknown, but rarely, if ever, do we truly look at it, the unknown, as its own entity. and probably for the better, since the unknown is rarely anything but terrifying. but terror is not too far from the feeling of exhilaration and therefore we hurdle ourselves in no uncertain manner towards that which we do not know.
i try not to hurdle too quickly too often even though it is in my aquarian nature. i tell myself that i have the capacity to be more conscious, to move slower, to view more at depth. i get this way when i am contemplative and never otherwise. mostly, i move in black and white (even though the interior most often is a shade of grey). i enjoy feeling the extremes because they leave little doubt as to what's there. acute senses make me feel vulnerable, they make me flinch as though in tending the fire, a stray ember has happened upon my skin.
currently i am certain that i am hurdling towards some change. change that has truth at its core.

Renew.

ok. i know my posts have sucked lately. i promise to do better.

literary merit.

i want my sister to write a novel.

in our adult lives i've always fancied her a david sedaris type long before we knew how to name the david sedaris type. she has an extraordinary way of putting things and through her words you often get to relive moments, albeit fleshed out and somehow infused with just the right amount of self-deprecating hilarity. (i wonder what she fancies me as. a towering giant who always was controlled by the elder sibling gene? or a protective companion? or even (ideally, i must admit) a twin separated by five years, ala gilmore girls, complete with witty banter expressed at a fast clip.)

from January 7 2003:
"yesterday for show and tell in lit class i showed two different views of our relationship when we were little: the video when you know you are being filmed and call me "your royalness" and ask if you can get me anything before flashing a big smile at the camera, and then the one when you hit me over the head with an egg. my teacher was quite pleased."

i will leave the comments section open for petition from others who agree that maija could provide more than sufficient documentation.

The first day of the rest of our lives...

It all boils down to this day, these next hours. To be continued...

winter, wait...what?

"it's like, hey, you were always there just on the tip of my tongue."

last night as our little family set out on another road adventure, d looked up at the sky and announced that the deep heavy grey clouds were in fact full of snow. i furrowed my brow in disbelief, as the sun was still out to a certain extent, and although it was cold and windy, it certainly didn't look like snow to a mn girl.

i was wrong.

as the little flakes started to fall and melt on our windshield, we stopped by family dollar to pick up two giant bags of wonka halloween candy (nerds of course), to prepare for the children down the block swarming around our house on friday. alfred, if you had not already guessed by the picture below, is going as a skeleton. hopefully he will scare the kids more with his glow-in-the-dark costume as opposed to his barking. i am still working on my costume.

it is darn cold outside. winter seems to have come upon us swiftly as i can't deem this kind of weather fall-like. once it starts freezing, it is the beginning of the end. i do have to say, however, that it is quite enjoyable to ride in the car, once warm, drink hot coffee, eat poundcake, and watch the sun come over the mountains, while listening to some of the music that i've come across lately. in this way, some light can be shed on the dark and perhaps dismal days that lie ahead of us.

recent recommendations include:

Of Montreal-Nonpareil of Favor

Ray LaMontagne-You Are the Best Thing

Blitzen Trapper-Furr

The Rumble Strips-Boys and Girls In Love

Broken West-Auctioneer

Well put.

“I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it? To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

- Author David Sedaris, on undecided voters

Whooo's ready for Halloween?

autumn.

fall is a contemplative season.

once again i find myself apologizing to you, dear readers, that i have been gone so long. i've been busy putting my energy elsewhere, but finally, now, i've gotten back to my writing, something i've missed very much. the thing about expectations is that they can't be unrealistic. it takes time to readjust to new situations and new settings and as much as we'd like things to bounce back to normal immediately, they never do. so i must make peace with myself that things don't always run on the same time as my brain does.

after the energy and the burn of the summer months, i find myself wrapping into myself, preparing for hibernation, or at least nesting in attempt to create an inviting home. the heat has transfered from the outdoors in. similarly, the hearth of my heart has been stoked to a steady burn, something which i am more than thankful for, being that i had been waiting for the ashes to be cleared away for some time now. fall has brought soft scarves and hot coffee, fred observing the changing of the leaves on the parkway with his nose stuck out the window (and the heat in the front turned way up to counterbalance the open windows in the back), quiet nights huddled under the covers, and various pots and pans on the oven giving the aroma of something comforting (read: mac and cheese, lentil soup, apple pie, and homemade pizzas). this is the time of year i end up the most domestic. as i draw into the home, i think of family, old and new, and how much love i have in my life.

what you wish for.

Life is a fantastical thing. You don't always quite know which way is coming or going, then all of a sudden you find yourself one night driving down the road with a person who happens to love green olives just as much as you do.

Just sayin'.

oh yeah.

In this picture, Mara is trying to say ____________.

My sentiments exactly.

old habits are hard to break.

i am starting to fall madly in love with this town and it feels both oddly unexpected and wonderous.

who would've thunk?

sure i moved down here with an interest in the area, and with a wish to slow down my harried life, but got to the point where i wasn't sure if i was quite feeling it. this led to a decision at the beginning of the summer that this was make it or break it time--either the place proves itself to me (i to it)...or move on. however, i certainly wasn't going to sit around waiting for stuff to come to me, i wanted to give avl a running chance.

and oh man am i glad i stuck around.

the energy of this town has hit me rapidly and without apology. after moving into my little white bungalow, with the wooden dragonfly and plants hanging off of its little porch, i set out to see what i could see, hitting the streets, head down, peering around corners to observe creatures in their natural habitats. already the makeup of my every day interactions are different. yesterday morning, my neighbor, who has lived here for over 20 years, stopped me to say that his wife had informed him that indeed, the apples in his yard are good for cooking, and to help myself to as many as i'd like to cook up a mean apple sauce for the neighborhood potluck. he whispered, somewhat embarrassed, but laughing, that he is the only one who shows up with food he hasn't grown himself.

additionally, more than once this weekend i found myself amidst several musicians, extremely talented ones at that, who come from various walks of life and various backgrounds playing various instruments, but all unified expressly through their passions. not shows, or performances, but simply gatherings that resulted in musical communication back and forth from one to another. these are the kind of interactions someone from the outside is only lucky enough to witness, ones that leave you with a knot in your throat and heart pounding from the sheer rhythm of it all. i must say, tapping into the creative community in avl has a snowball effect--you delve deeper and deeper until surrounded on all sides by great minds spiraling in all directions.

here's the thing. to a certain extent my nature has been shaped by the C-I-T-Y. and i'm talking about the capital CITY, not just a location with a population over 50,000. i'm a fast talking, fast walking, curt, and sometimes socially clueless individual who at times doesn't know how to fit herself into such a free and rule-less environment. i'm the gal with a plan. which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but not appropriate at all times. however, with the help of a few amazing people, i find myself slowly being coaxed out of the comfort zone i only realize now that i've still been holding on to. maybe maija was right--soon you'll find me dancing in bare feet, hair down to my stomach. and just like this town, i will make no apologies for it.

Profoundly moved.

Dear Readers,
I sincerely apologize for my lagging in the department of photos and fiction. My poor excuse is that I am in the middle of a change of residence. How can I ever make it up to you?
*mara*

Hear our hearts in the distance, like canon fire.

sitting in the car, i hold my knees to my chest, feet on the fabric of the seat, staring down at my brown summer feet offset by pinkish toenails. it is the middle of the night and we are driving through the jungles of central georgia, my eyes tired, but still focused on the sights of a quiet small town. you laugh and coo quiet stories about the places now asleep, your drawl becoming more pronounced the further into it we get. i's turn to ahhhhs. i clutch my knees tighter, to drawn in my expanding heart as well as to sheepishly hide my contented smile. here i am negotiating territory not totally unfamiliar, but completely new. check marks acrue in my head as i study your face in the passing street lamps.

Sweet Home Alabama

lord, i'm coming home to you.

this past weekend was something out of a movie. through a series of rather fortunate events, i somehow found myself in the green oceanside marshes of southern south carolina with a huge mess of small town georgia folks, dressed up in finest kakhis and polos, ready to party. they spoke foreign tongues of childhood stories involving bb guns and streets i've not yet visited and quietly my attention stole away to the teeny crabs scampering across the sand and flocks of white cranes making their way through the water. it was the most humidity i've been in in a while, but i made it work, wore the lightest dress i could find, and smiled my biggest smile, using the sweat glow to my advantage. little wooden fans and large bushels of hydrangeas were involved as well and exaggerated the already wholly southern feel of the event. sitting under the spanish moss, romance was at its peak. i was in my element, having always been a small town and family girl at heart, and danced well into the night after meeting the coach, and mom and dad, and so and so's uncle's sister's cousin. the night ended in a flash of lightening storms as far as the horizon, illuminating that which had already become quite obvious.

in honor of the road trip, prior to knowing that this would turn out to be one of the best weekends of my life, the following mix was created.

Westfall-Okkervil River

Radar Love-Golden Earring

Big Adventure-Blitzen Trapper

Commotion-Creedence Clearwater Revival

Box Full of Letters-Wilco

Street Fighting Man-Rolling Stones

I'm On Fire-AA Bondy

A Girl in Port-Okkervil River

Hesitating Beauty-Billy Bragg and Wilco

Prodigal Son-Rolling Stones

Caifornia Stars-Billy Bragg and Wilco

You Are My Flower-The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

Up On Cripple Creek-The Band

I Shall Be Released-Bob Dylan

Fighter Girl-Mason Jennings

Dancing in the Moonlight-Thin Lizzy

Rapture (Sweet Rapture)-AA Bondy

The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down-The Band

Gloria-Van Morrison

Honey Don't-Carl Perkins

Girl From the North Country-Bob Dylan

Mrs. Cudi

Young folks.

as many of you well know, I am planning to immerse myself shortly in the young elite of this area by relocating myself to west asheville. when i lived in brooklyn, the thought of the high density of young uber hip progressive children in williamsburg was somewhat threatening--too many kids manufacturing their version of the perfect urban utopia. however, after spending a year and a half in a high retirement and more rural area, i have realized that i am greatly understimulated. and the lack of sidewalks drives me nuts. that being said, it's not really fair to compare wavl to williamsburg, because even though outwardly they contain a lot of the same type of people, the vibe is very different--this is still the south after all.
i had decided on wavl not only for its proximity to my still rural place of work, or high percentage of people under the age of 40, but also for its high percentage and diversity of shops, restaurants, and places to hang out. most of this is centered along a main stretch called haywood road, with offshoots of smaller streets heavy with early to mid 20th century bungalows. a long time ago, it was its own village, eventually annexed into asheville, much like brooklyn and the big city. it became a lower income section of town, which is why it began to attract a lot of young but not well off artists and musicians. now it is quickly becoming gentrified, but still seems to have a spirit of its own, the new mixing with the old.

this is just one example why i like the place and the people: on thursday night, i went to an impeccable home and clothing store aptly named Custom (i'll save going on and on about how i love this placed for another time), which was having a clothing swap for charity. for a $7 donation to the local women's shelter, audrey and i got in to the space and sorted through the neatly hung and sorted items, including some samples from the store that still had tags. everyone was allowed to take about 5-7 items and the rest was brought to the shelter. they ended up raising over $600 and a whole bunch of clothes, and i made out with some of the best swap stuff i've ever seen.

this is what i found:

london connection dress in coral.
mossimo leather bomber jacket, just in time for fall.
pocket detail
shoulder detail

dress by laundry, tags still attached.

detail
vintage blouse, with front tie and ties on sleeves
mossimo green jersey top with v-neck beaded embellishment
brand new white belt with striped stitching

i just got an email that they're having a summer sale. guess you might be seeing more soon...

Good things come in fives.

Top 5 reasons this was an interesting weekend:

1) I brought my car to the backyard of a long-haired man named Johnny, who, in one day, turned it from a stubborn 185,000 mile grandma to a meek, purring kitten.

2) I was taught that the way one can distinguish a veggie bratwurst from a real one is by the curve of the sausage.

3) Not being a beer drinker, I spent three hours volunteering to pour local microbrews, and found I was pretty darn good at it (all for a good cause).

4) I got to experience Asheville (pop. 80,000) with no cars, loud music, and 350,000 freely drinking, roaming in the streets.

5) I started sorting clothes to give away and am putting things in boxes, readying for my next move.

Lost and Found.

Talk of a party a couple of weeks ago prompted me to visit one of my favorite places in Hendersonville--the Hospice thrift store on Main Street. They have been good to me before: in the winter I found a long fake fur collared wool coat, which makes me look something of a 50s queen, for 8 dollars. The idea of this party was to be a bad coed dance, the term "prom" was bantered about, and I wanted to be prepared with the most beautiful awful looking dress (cause, you know, whenever girls dress up to look badly they secretly want to look great). In addition, I had signed myself up to DJ this event, so I needed something light so I could move around and dance. Unfortunately, due to laziness or perhaps some other factor, the dance idea was shot down and instead replaced by a pot luck (say what?), but mark my words, this dress will see the light of day.

long-sleeved but light, boxy shape, if not for the matching belt.

detail of the shimmery snake-like print

collar detail, slight slit at the neck (this picture is more accurate of the color than the first)

oh, and bonus! I found a nightgown in the exact same fabric as the one i bought in San Diego in '99. nice and light, with some interesting glass buttons.

A little amusement

For anyone who has worked in a job where they have dealt with abusive, demanding, or just plain stupid customers: http://notalwaysright.com/

Feel free to post your own stories in the comments section.

i have the biggest crush on jason segel.

i met lisa the redhead a few days into college. she had lived in minnesota too, probably at the same time i was there, and now we were in new york together. she was shoulder height on me, but her personality was enormous, as was her hair. a good irish girl, complete with crazy artist older sister who was in her fifth of four years studying as a mad genius across the street at columbia. we kept on finding things in common, like the fact that we were both vegetarian, and both spent nights in music chatrooms (the way to relate in 1997). she lived diagonally across the hall from me, as we were all packed like sardines as freshman, one per square foot. many nights were spent laying across the hallway floor or in the corner lounge making popcorn and watching tv. we spent a lot of time in each other's rooms as well, decorating and going through one another's stuff. sometimes even the studying was easier to do with a silent partner. somehow, i also remember that she had a vinyl copy of the soundtrack to the labyrinth, which she was obsessed with. this was replaced a few years later with her complete and total passion for freaks and geeks, which i only had caught a few episodes of, not having a tv and all. through a series of circumstances she was no longer in school at this point, but i was, so she either slept on the floor of my 6x10 room, or i took the rusty bus up to hartford on the weekends to stay with her parents. i introduced her to the punk dives i liked to frequent, and within no time, this ballsy little chick was borrowing my dog collars and pushing us to the front of the crowd (she had a good excuse, me, being 5'10," did not and therefore ended up usually sitting in a fetal position next to the monitors on stage). i dropped out of the punk scene not too long afterwards, but she stayed on and got in with the old rock elite.

pictures of joey ramone at 2am.

conversations with myself, 1:46 am.

think. think of anything. anything else.

the mantra of late. late nights when it hits hard and the day's distractions are no longer there to cover up and blur the dischord building inside. the music in the car turned up to the point where it hurts your ears, like pressing on an open wound, hurting it to make it stop hurting. eyes out of focus holding on for dear life.

I can't solve the problems of this world, It's breaking my brain in two...

Lately I can see you're scared Cause we're growing up

Maybe if you changed your hair

You'd be good enough

Kids I used to know that died Now they're not around

I wonder what they think of life

When they're looking down

Holy crap.

Apologies to Mike Skinner--you may have been just kicked off the top of the list.

Of Flat Eric and other wild things...

Dear Derek,

You are the most awesomest version of awesome. Imagine my surprise, returning from lunch back to work yesterday, when the office was quiet as death (trying to get everything done before the long weekend) and finding a sweet little box addressed to me. This box, no less, was full of CDS! Not just one as I would first think, but many many more! Yipee!
As Alfred and I sit here eating graham crackers, I want to thank you a million for the prezzies. I'm going to rip them all onto my computer and then promptly distribute them to the various stereos in the house as well as work and the car. This is fantastic. The Kwanamas CD cover is really nice, I like the typed touches and the cereal box cover. It makes me wish I was in Minneapolis to start an artists collective with you. (By the way, Maija has moved to NE, so go by the store and give her a hi, she should be there next week).
This is going to be a pretty quiet weekend for Alfred and I, since we are home alone, so we'll definitely get to go through all of your goodies. Because I have windows and cannot Mojo you, I'll give you the following suggestions to run, not walk, and listen to.
1) You have no idea how much I needed it when you gave me the links to the Current and other places to download last summer. I continue to download almost every day now and a new one I've come upon that I think you would highly enjoy (if you do not already) is Rcrdlbl. They have an awesome variety and update many many new posts a day (oh, and for you ipod people, a podcast every week).
2) I've been really into a hip hop mode lately, which has surprised the bejeesus out of Maija. Two of my new faves are Kid Cudi and the Cool Kids. If you go before they post on Monday, Cool Kids' "88" should still be on the Current page. My fave Kid Cudi is "new new" and "Day N' Night (Crookers Remix)", which you can probably find on rcrdlbl.
3) New Futureheads is f-ing out of this world. I never saw why people didn't like Pinkerton and also didn't see the supposed "2nd album curse" with the Futureheads. Nevertheless, they've come out with their new album and it has the strength and ferociousness of their debut.
4) I've somewhat surprised myself at coming to like the new French Kicks. I was a fan of their One Time Bells, but didn't particularly like the direction they went in afterwards. Recently, I found myself repeating the songs off of their new album. They did a fairly nice little show for Daytrotter recently.
5) The Virgins remind me of the dark and sexy groove of Jonathan Richman when he was still in the Modern Lovers. Nuf Said.
6) Los Fancy Free is a kick-ass psychedelic-type band from Mexico. Some of the most unique stuff I've heard in a while.

More that would take too long to write about each individually: Spinto Band, Mystery Jets, Phantom Planet, Young Knives, The Wedding Present, Magic Bullets, France Has The Bomb, Teenagers, Dr. Dog, and Robbers on High Street.

Hope some of this stuff are things you haven't heard yet, cause I know that you are all over everything all of the time.
Thanks again for being so awesome. I'm going to publicly proclaim your awesomeness by posting this letter on my blog. Just cause.

Sincerely,
*mara*

and a few more.

summer is for...

-going to Sliding Rock to--you guessed it--slide down a wet rock

-having an excuse to make vecmamma's potato salad (with 5 lbs of potatoes)

-taking advantage of the Montford Players outdoor Shakespeare productions

-making sure to hit all of the best restaurants in town when chef uncle is visiting

-making at least 50% of the Minimalist's "101 Dishes for Inspired Picnics"

-getting the darkest tan I've had since I was 10 and worked the farm for the entire summer

-wearing red, orange, and green in short sleeves, straps, and skirts

and the living is easy...

summer is here!

in celebration, a list of my coming goals:

-crank up the music and crank down the windows in my car

-road trip (charleston, nashville, atlanta, oh my)!

-girls' camping trips

-stay up late to watch how i met your mother reruns

-sneak out in the dark to sit in the gazebo

-drive the backroads to sonics in the middle of the night

-break my record of seeing two baseball games in one summer

-swim!

-eat the strawberries growing on my deck

-ooooh, and watermelon! (not from the deck)

-take mountain hikes through the rhododendron coves with alfred

-plan a secret trip to minnesota

-stay awake until the sun comes up

-have a grill out

-see as many outdoor concerts as possible

-make some extra money (and in the mean time spy on more craigslist ads)

-knit nonsex specific baby clothes and consult on mountain wedding locations for friends

-Batman!

-have an early morning coffee under the magnolia tree at flat rock bakery

-make cranberry-pineapple popcicles

i am trying to break your heart

What is it then between us?

What is the count of the scores or hundreds of years between us?

Whatever it is, it avails not--distance avails not, and place avails not,

I too lived, Brooklyn of ample hills was mine...

Walt Whitman

my heart is constricted, i can't breathe, i am back in Brooklyn.

i've missed the salty air, the quickened pace, the beautiful people,

the winks and smiles while rounding lips sound out vowels heard nowhere else.

my heart lifts and hangs heavy in rhythm with the Narrows.

i love you...i REPEAT--i love you, but alas, i can't stay.

the last week has been one of many important conclusions,

but they'll remain quietly ours.

superheroes in our daily lives.

nyc day one.

Classic, just classic.

darkness between fireflies.

A waterfall from a higher place told me all about you.

a couple weeks ago i finally broke my ongoing curse of missing mason jennings shows. i won't go into detail here of how oddly wonderful and homebound he made me feel, but it made me think--there are quite a few things that remind me of the minnesotan portion of my upbringing, files hard-wired as MINNESOTA in my brain.

to you, and only you, dear readers, i share (though i don't propose that you'll understand):

-cricket noises in the dark

-swimming in a lake (and not freaking out at how still it is or what your feet are touching on the bottom)

-farm animals of various sorts, and their respective smells

-the automatic reaction of saying "jeez" or "gosh" when something bad happens

-freezing your ass off

-but still being able to do it without wearing a hat or gloves

-fishing (walleye, bass, pike, sunnies, crappies)

-knowing to pronounce the above "croppy"

(pretty good for a girl who once sprayed down the whole boat with mosquito repellant forcing a cursing grandfather and uncle to throw every fish back into the lake)

-let's not even get into pronouncing Wayzata or Wabasha

-the smell of lilacs in May when everything finally melts

-knowing what the Mississipi really looks like

-two words: STATE FAIR

-the constellation Orion

-knowing how to allot twenty minutes of your time in the morning towards starting your car

-Matthew Mallard

-Dairy Queen and Perkins

-fried cheese curds (oh how i miss you!)

-loving hockey (and the North Stars)

-reacting to a snow storm by planning for an extra half hour to get to work

-Rev 105 and Radio K

-having an odd affection for bowling as a way to spend your time

-rambling folk songs about vast wide open spaces

-not realizing that any of the above is out of the ordinary

for those in the know, anything you'd like to add?

perfect day

(on days like this, with blue skies unmarred, i understand the following)

Quell' augellin che canta

sì dolcemente e lascivetto vola

or da l'abete al faggio

ed or dal faggio al mirto,

s'avesse umano spirto

direbb': Ardo d'amore, ardo d'amore!

Ma ben arde nel core,

e chiam' il suo desio

che li rispond': Ardo d'amor anch'io!

Che sii tu benedetto,

amoroso, gentil, vago augelletto!

Cheeky Monkey

Dear Mike Skinner,

Will you marry me? Please?

Sincerely,
Mara

p.s. I love your secret Grafiti music.

I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library

Last 5 books I have read (most recent to less recent):

1) The Book of Other People-ed. Zadie Smith

2) Flight-Sherman Alexie

3) As She Climbed Across the Table-Jonathan Lethem

4) Men and Cartoons-Jonathan Lethem

5) Indian Killer-Sherman Alexie

"Comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love."

Current comfort food TOP 5:

1)Two Eggs, prepared any way

2)Oatmeal, made with milk, and with nuts and fruit/good jam

3)String Cheese

4) Saltine Crackers

5)Fresh Spinach, sauteed with garlic

Gratuitous Overstimulation

blog fury

yes, i have had a slew of energy, and yes, many small snippets here. this is the way i work, in short bursts of temperment.

I spent the entirety of Saturday night and most of Sunday morning uploading songs for my cousin who has somehow grown overnight from a small lanky blond mop of a kid into a large lanky darker adult of sorts. It took a while to adjust to this change, I thought that perhaps by squinting it would change him back into a high-pitched 10-year-old. Though I do have to say, I learned that some good genes run in the family. Such as those which caused him to choose the likes of Led Zeppelin, Depeche Mode, and Pearl Jam off of my playlist.

in the morning i have come to drink strong coffee and to hell with it, it tastes the best with a little dot (well, honestly, a big pour) of organic half and half. i rationalize that i'm evening it out by not adding sugar, hehe. but a little measure like this goes a long way toward making my day its best.

i've spent a lot of time during my recent weeks taking notice of the pleasant things in my life. for me, it's the little things that leave me enraptured, an extra shot of passion to keep me running ahead. it's the warmth of alfred lying halfway off the couch, eyes pinched shut and pink belly showing. or the late night walks outside in the quiet black grass inhaling the mist. i chaotically jump from one thing to another, enjoying the crazy game of hopscotch i create.

so ala Nick Hornby, here's my first top 5 list of things that truly float my boat.

TOP five new (at least new to me) bands that intrigue me the most:

1) Mystery Jets-These guys get the number one spot by far. Ever since I heard my first MJ song, Diamonds in the Dark , I'm totally bonkers for them, like listen, rewind, and repeat. And it's not just because they're British, though that is always a plus. In my opinion, they're so interesting because they are so deliberate about what they're doing, but it comes out in such an simple way. This is pop done well. And I'm a sucker for harmonies. It's like finding the Futureheads all over again (who are respectfully omited from this list only because they don't fall into my "new" category).

2) A. A. Bondy-Mr. A.A. is someone that you can tell, upon very first listen, knows exactly how to summarize all of that shit going on in your brain and all around you. Furthermore, he is not only perfectly to-the-point about his subjects, but enhances your senses in regards to said event. You fully experience each of his stories in a raw and visceral way. Only after becoming a heartfelt fan did I find that, in fact, i had already hearted him for a long time in a very different role...as the singer for Verbena (in the pink anyone?).

3) MSTRKRFT-So knowing my friends, many of you might argue that electronic music doesn't count as music, but my dear fellows, I heartily disagree. These boys from Toronto take what you previously know and love, turn it around 180, and show it to you in a completely new light. As is everyone on this list, they are good at what they do. Instead of the same old formula of a few blips and beeps and then a repeating line ala Max Headroom or completely obliterating the song and pretending it's a remix, they distill its best qualities and then make it their own.

4) Beirut-I blame Maija for this one. Who would have thought that songs that so much remind me of the old monotone "traditional" Latvian recordings would actually touch a place of fondness? In fact, it was watching Zach Condon walk down a Parisian street with a ragtag bunch of musicians playing whatever they could get their hands on that had me at hello. Although younger than even my sister, Mr. Condon with his larger than life tenor just gets-it-right when portraying the old world. At the same time, he mixes together several musical styles, therefore, succeeding in not just repeating what has been done before.

5)Dodos-If you think that there's only so much that you can do with a guitar and set of drums, then you're standing inside the box that the Dodos have long abandoned. Having been lucky to see them live in the act, a great deal of power and passion lies in their small skinny west coast bodies. Being that their new album Visiter is being so well received, i'm interested to see where they'll go next.

KABLAMMA!

Look out NYC, you'll never know what hit ya. Mara's comin' back to town.

My thoughts exactly.

Back to the Future.

By very odd coincidence, I met a psychic the other day. And she told me that although I will remain where I am for some time, this will not be my ultimate location, nor will I return to where I came from.

I was a traveller in a past life and will never be fixed in one place.

#62.3 - Menomena - Wet and Rusting

Can there be happiness more pure than this?

hanging on the telephone.

embellished for literary purposes, but otherwise all true.

i ended up calling in the middle of the night. try as had for several hours to contain myself, i reached my bursting point and ended up dialing your number. of course, even though i should have been asleep, i knew you wouldn't be. you'd be up working. our schedules were always different that way.
"tell me a funny story" i shot out of the gate, which took you aback because we both knew that behind it was the loaded, but unsaid, "i want you, i need you, you're the only one who can be that person for me right now."
you listen is the truth of it. you've always listened when i really really needed it, at other times not, but you have an impeccable measure of when it needs to be done. and all this despite your own self, whether you feel like listening or not, whether you can handle it at the time. i'm emotionally selfish.
for some reason i hesitate initially, as though you're not going to pick up on it, though i know you are, i need to hear your ok first. given permission, my speech is like a river going over the falls, tumbling over rocks, rapidly hurdling toward instinctive conclusion without regard to what is in the way. i can't quite put it into words, i secretly wish i could show you, so that you're in on it too. and as much as i am there talking, i am in my head as well, and as a result everything is jumbled up as a puzzle. but you're quicker than that, you pick up the pieces, and do all of the right things: genuinely and strongly offer your help, empathize with me, then finally hit me with the truth, that which i haven't even processed in my own mind yet.
i can come up for air.
i contentedly listen to what you have to share, genuinely interested, no longer being distracted by the pangs of my own self. of course, you don't launch into anything as deeply as i do, and after a while we wish each other well and say goodnight.

pretending it's just another normal conversation between two normal people on a normal wednesday night.

feline colony.

life is a series of simple moments.

last night i dreamt that we were in new york, drinking tea in an old lady's apartment on a long black bench. carefully, i sat next to you and you put your arm around me, carefully. i was teetering off of the end of the bench, shifting my weight toward you and as i looked up at you, you slowly shifted towards me, and we kissed.

'New Rose' (1976)

Dear God,
Thank you for giving us bands like the Damned.
Sincerely Yours,
Mara

fifteen.

around this age i found a battered cassette on the ledge behind the kitchen stove that introduced me to the lyrical greatness of Leonard Cohen. i remember my aunt telling me how much she had loved him when she was that age. the solitary, rhythmic monotone still reminds me of sitting in my bed, writing through the angst of my teenagerdom.

recently, I came across a fantastic set of covers done by the Walkmen (they require a whole different set of stories), diligently captured by the good people over at Daytrotter. go check out their take on Leonard.

thirteen.

i said.

no one likes to feel as though their life has been decided for them. to feel fully reliant upon oneself means experiencing the joy of the fact that even though all failures are your own,

so are your successes.

dreams in waking.

in the late fall, when all of the leaves had fallen and the days darkened already in the afternoon, columbia would string lights up on the trees on their main walkway. this was always done with the grandiosity of a state visit, an army of black-clothed men balancing on ladders with wires strewn across the way, marking each branch with the precise amount of glowing pieces and hiding all additional wires from view, making the larger statement that the university itself was grand and precise and perfectly-thought out. once completed, the lit trees gave an air of romance, exaggerated one hundred times over by the humongous black wrought iron gates and the stone path, all of which was eclipsed by the old architecture surrounding. the trees were perfectly linear, branches cut back and tamed, establishing two parallell rows traversing the width of the university, only leaving an open space in the middle for the larger-than-life view of both classically styled libraries (one used, one for show). there were fleeting moments that someone would stop and look up into the trees, somehow expecting to steal away a piece of the light and stillness. in a different world, we would have been glad to pause and drink hot beverages on the steps or to sit and read poetry that reflected the mood of the cooling weather. but we were hurried, harried, and only had the brief line of small lights to enjoy before scurrying off to another project or things that just had to get done. those were the times that we dressed up into the most absurd winter outfits, large knit hats and scarves with bare legs, spring dresses with layers of sweaters, representative of our wish to remain somewhat bohemian, yet show off our priviledged student status. on lucky days when someone had a date, or the roommate who couldn't write another paper dragged you out, a little more time was spent beneath the trees, and perhaps a run to the hungarian pastry shop, if there were a few extra dollars to spare. you laughed and talked about the adam sandler movies you'd seen, reflecting how young and anti-elite (in hiding) were really were, while i trailed behind quietly, breathing into my cup, forcing steam to rise across my face.

when i think about the four years of my life spent within the four blocks of that school, of all the hours i must have spent running back and forth, the classes, the people, the books, the things to do, the opportunities to be had... out of everything, what i still remember most are the lights.

Referenced below.

that's DR. sue to you

When I grow up, I want to be a serious writer who writes about whatever the heck I please and still be highly respected. This includes making crazy links from songs to scientific research.

Star of the County Down

for Mac.

My grandfather was a sailor in his youth. As can be typical of sailors, he had quite a few stories about his years traveling. He was a tall and handsome man, visible even to us at the point that much had already faded. He was also a reserved man, and it was that quality that made the times he spent whispering snippets of his stories to us little cailins that much more precious. His stories were otherwordly--the Irish have a knack for treading the line between real and supernatural. Thinking now, there was one in particular that writes like an old ballad, that I still remember vividly, sitting in the corner of my grandparents' living room, rapt with attention. As an adult, I sometimes wondered whether this story included the other very Irish characteristic of embelishment, but that really is here nor there. What follows is my best attempt at doing it justice.

It was the 1940s, right after the war, and his ship was docked in County Cork, the first time he had been back to Ireland in over 6 months. Although his family was originally from Cork, he essentially grew up in the metropolis of Dublin, so this was still somewhat foreign to him. There normally wasn't much to do in this little town, though by some force of luck, the village fair was in town for the week. On a meager sailor's pay, this was perfect, as he could earn a bit of extra money and free food working at one of the booths, even though the oddness of the carnie regulars put him off. They put him at a knock-down-the-milk-bottles booth, surrounded by giant shelves of cupie dolls. It was right next to a small black tent, covered completely and set back from the others, which he knew was the place where men met to bet on cards. As darkness fell, they would saunter in, travelling gamblers, in dark coats and hats pulled down over their faces, only the glint of their pocket watches or an occassional pistol giving them away. Night after night, they came in. Grandfather purposefully never paid much attention to their dealings, thinking it better not to get mixed up with that sort. And just as well, he normally closed up for the night hours before they were through.

On the third day something quite different caught his eye, a petit young woman fresh as the countryside, with beautiful blue eyes and raven hair. Black Irish they used to call it. Her body was lithe and her walk more of a dance than anything else. Her hair had blue velvet ribbons tied in; she passed by several times before he realized that she must be part of the show. Later that day, during his lunch, he followed her at a distance until they both came to the far field where a several families had set out their lunches on blankets and a few old timers sat precipitously on unfolded wooden chairs. She carefully stepped past them all until she had reached the edge of the crowd, then turned about. Only when she began to sing the most beautiful version of Carrickfergus he had ever heard, did he notice the small group of musicians to her left. From that day forth, he took his lunch in the field, watching Carra McConnell sing. All in all, he only had eleven days in port, and with the work, they passed quickly. He could not work up the nerve to speak with Carra and felt it was best, as he was about to leave anyhow, so he continued to watch from afar.

In the blackness of his last night, after the crowd had filed away to bed and he was closing his booth, he suddenly heard shouting from the black tent--some man desperately arguing his loss. He turned away, and the shouting soon dissipated into shuffling, drunken steps. Fortunately, a sheet covered the front of the booth and he didn't have to look the poor sod in the face. They soon passed. The manager came round and paid him for his time and he filled one of the bottles with water for his long walk to the ship. he headed towards Carra's field--a shortcut. He reached it and began to cross, aiming his gaze at a large rowan tree swaying in the middle. As he neared, he noticed dark figures moving, so he slowed and quieted his approach. It was a squat, bullish man in a crumpled suit. By his shuffle, grandfather knew that it was the same man from the card tent. But his heart quickly dropped to his feet, as he realized that the man had another, smaller person--a woman--that he was dragging by the wrists. It was Carra. She was obviously putting up a fight, but her petite frame was no match for his more powerful one, and she whimpered and pleaded with him. Acting on instinct, grandfather crept up behind the tree, as close as he could get to survey the situation. The man, though strong, was stumbling due to the drink, and as he turned his back, a full milk bottle crashed down over his head. He crumpled to the ground. Grandfather quickly scooped up Carra and ran away from the fair, towards the small lights of the town, and only when they had reached the first row of houses did he put her down. She had been roughed up, but was not seriously hurt, and he could not help but gaze into the sorrow in her eyes as he asked her whether he could assure that she reached her home safely. She nodded, and they proceeded in silence along the streets until they reached the water, not too far from his ship, and a small and old blue house. She bowed her head and walked towards the door, but stopped not five steps short. Turning and taking his hands, she stood up on her toes, leaning ever so slightly against his chest, and gave him a kiss.

The next morning as he shipped out, he swears that on the shore, beyond the crowd that had gathered, he saw Carra McConnell in her Sunday dress, waving to him with her handkerchief.

a rainy day.

today was the perfect day for hot coffee and reading curled up in blankets. the fog rolled in around noontime and hung thick, barely above the ground. as night fell, porch lights distorted into free-glowing orbs and rain began to fall, laying out a carpet of grass, wet and green.
my favorite weather is warm rain. it is the one time that i truly feel like the heavens open up and envelop me. tonight, taking a moment, i laid down in the grass and let the drops fall on my closed eyes.

the morning began early, at a smoky club called the grey eagle in asheville. despite being ready to fall asleep at about 6pm Thursday night, I trudged on right through drawing, and gained enough momentum to go to the felice brothers show.

let me tell you, kids, you have not seen passionate and true american balladry like this since the seventies. i hadn't heard a single song, as i went to the show on a name and a hunch, but this performance sealed the felice brothers a top spot in my heart.

it's been a long time since i've stayed out this late, or since i've been to several shows in one week. all i have to say is,
look out world.

jose gonzalez.

orange peel, asheville. march 4, 2008.

the fonz.

i've been trying to up my cool quotient since i was a kid, but have never been quite successful in being effortlessly together.

though i emulate those women who never have a single hair out of place and there are times in more recent memory that i quite nearly pull it off, you can never fully take the mara out of me. fact is, i'm an all around awkward kind of person, at times lucky enough to be still acknowledged by those around me. i say things at the wrong times and have reactions that even make me ask wtf in retrospect. i'd like to think that at times i cover well, with stupid jokes, and a childish sense of cuteness that i will use to my advantage to distract from the actual truth. actually, it's not always that i'm awkward, but that i make other people feel awkward in my presense. by myself, i'm usually quite comfortable in my oddness, quite oblivious to anything outside of my world. i make up songs and sing loudly to myself, i speak in nonsense words and sounds, and talk to my dog as though he understands it, i make screwed up faces both on purpose and not, and dare i not mention what my sister finds especially hilarious--i insist on talking in the most serious of manners about the most menial of things without even realizing it. but out in the social world it is another story. in the words of paulie bleeker--i try really hard.