these days.

today i feel a little like margot tennenbaum: wordy, dark, and beautiful.

cold and ice covered the roads this morning. a bit treacherous, if it were not for the hot coffee keeping me company. nico sang in a low hum while i shifted in the seat, attempting to avoid the certain literal shock my tights were trying to produce against the fabric. sitting there moving through the snow and damp, my heart began to beat in rhythm to its surroundings.
more than once in our lives we look back and assess everything that has come forth thus far and attempt to act wisely about what is to come. we are always facing the unknown, but rarely, if ever, do we truly look at it, the unknown, as its own entity. and probably for the better, since the unknown is rarely anything but terrifying. but terror is not too far from the feeling of exhilaration and therefore we hurdle ourselves in no uncertain manner towards that which we do not know.
i try not to hurdle too quickly too often even though it is in my aquarian nature. i tell myself that i have the capacity to be more conscious, to move slower, to view more at depth. i get this way when i am contemplative and never otherwise. mostly, i move in black and white (even though the interior most often is a shade of grey). i enjoy feeling the extremes because they leave little doubt as to what's there. acute senses make me feel vulnerable, they make me flinch as though in tending the fire, a stray ember has happened upon my skin.
currently i am certain that i am hurdling towards some change. change that has truth at its core.