know it all.

as a general characteristic of my life i am not a patient person (with the exception of small children and my work--i must put it all in one place and not leave enough for the other). like the swimmer in the middle of the lake, i must KEEP ON MOVING: GO GO GO NOW NOW NOW and there is no time to sit and muse. i tend to hit most things head on and with a swell of emotion, but have difficulty with the long and sustained plateaus. those, in important cases, take a great deal of energy and effort to maintain. i also have extreme difficulty with the fact that i am not generally knowledgable about every possible subject on the planet. logically speaking, this statement is silly, but again, in my person, knowledge is emotionally connected to self-worth. if i don't continually jump from one thing to the next, collecting a smidgen of this or a smattering of that, it is worthless. "i don't know" is a far more difficult answer for me to mutter than "i love you" or words equally as despised and avoided by others. And of course all of this, whether I like it or not, often makes me come across as a complete snob, or the most self-consumed person you've ever met. but in truth, i carry little tidbits of things i've picked up like a chimpmunk does seeds in its cheeks. and i spew them out in friendship whenever i am in conversation with someone. add to the "snob," "self-absorbed" list "completely socially inept." so, at a point in my life, in which i am so confused that my head is rarely straight, and when there is no end in sight for such lack of an answer, i must sit back and jumpily wait. something that i am having most difficulty doing.